Navigating the World of Making Mom Friends: Building Your Support System
By: Lauren Ratliff, LCSW, PMH-C
The early days of motherhood are a whirlwind of emotions. The joy of holding your precious newborn is undeniable, but let’s be honest, it can also be a time of isolation and longing for adult connection.
Sleep deprivation, endless diaper changes, and the constant demands of a tiny human can leave you feeling like you’re on an island – an island filled with adorable coos and spit-up, but an island nonetheless.
This is where the magic of mom friends comes in.
These amazing women, who understand the unique challenges and joys of motherhood, can become your lifeline.
They’re the ones you can call at 2 am with a breastfeeding question, the ones who swap spit-up stories and laugh until you cry (because sometimes that’s all you can do!), and the ones who remind you that you’re not alone in this incredible, messy, beautiful journey.
This blog dives into the wonderful world of mom friendships, exploring why they’re so important, offering tips on how to find your own tribe of mom friends, and even sharing some personal experiences on building a supportive network.
So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea, if that’s more your speed!), get comfy, and let’s chat about the magic of mom friends!
Why Do I Have a Hard Time Making Mom Friends?
Making friends as an adult can feel like a daunting task, and motherhood throws a whole new set of challenges into the mix.
Here’s a deeper dive into why finding mom friends might feel difficult:
The Tyranny of the Schedule: Let’s face it, your life revolves around your little one’s needs. Between the seemingly endless cycle of feedings, diaper changes, and nap times, finding a spare minute for yourself feels like a victory, let alone coordinating schedules with other moms. Suddenly, planning a coffee date feels like a logistical nightmare that requires spreadsheets and a team of negotiators!
The Mommy Group Maze: Mommy groups can be a fantastic resource for connection and support. However, they can also feel intimidating, especially for new moms or those with babies at different stages. Walking into a group filled with established friendships and seemingly perfect little ones can make you feel like an outsider, wondering if you even belong.
The Comparison Trap: Social media and some mommy groups can paint an unrealistic picture of perfect motherhood. Seeing moms who appear to have it all together can lead to feelings of inadequacy and make it harder to connect with others who might be struggling with similar challenges.
The Introvert’s Dilemma: For some moms, socializing can be downright draining. You might crave quiet time with a good book more than a bustling playdate. That’s perfectly okay! However, even introverted moms can benefit from a supportive network of mom friends. There are plenty of introverted moms out there who would love to connect for a quiet chat or a walk in the park – you just need to find them!
The New-in-Town Blues: Maybe you’ve recently moved or are simply new to the area. Without a built-in network of friends or family, making connections can feel even more isolating. Starting from scratch can be tough, but there are ways to break the ice and build new friendships.
Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Making mom friends isn’t an easy task for most moms. The key is to embrace your own needs and find ways to connect with others who understand the unique joys and challenges of motherhood.
How Can I Find Mom Friends?
The good news is, there are countless ways to connect with other moms! Here are a few ideas for finding mom friends:
Join a Mom Group: Many hospitals, community centers, and online platforms offer mom groups specifically designed for connecting parents. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences, ask questions, and build friendships with other moms.
Hit the Park (or Playground): Parks and playgrounds are natural hubs for families. Strike up a conversation with another mom while your little ones play. You might have more in common with other moms at the park than you think!
Embrace Online Communities: Online forums, social media groups dedicated to moms, and parenting apps can connect you with moms who share your interests or live nearby. Look for online communities specifically geared towards mom friends.
Don’t Discount Your Village: Look beyond the “mom friend” label. Reconnect with old friends who have become mothers, or reach out to neighbors with young children. These can all be wonderful sources of support and the beginnings of great mom friendships.
How Can I Make Mom Friends?
The wonderful thing about mum friends is that they come in all shapes and sizes, just like our precious little ones.
Don’t feel pressured to find a group of mom friends that perfectly mirrors your life or parenting style.
Instead, focus on finding genuine connections with moms who uplift and support you, creating a network that celebrates your individuality. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Embrace the Local Gems: Many communities offer fantastic resources for mums. Check with your local library, community center, or children’s museum for mum and bub groups, story times, or even baby yoga classes. These activities provide a natural opportunity to strike up conversations with other mums who share similar interests.
Park Power: The park is a haven for families, and it’s a great place to meet other mums. Take your little one for a swing or a stroll, and strike up a conversation with another mum. You might discover you live nearby, have children of similar ages, or simply enjoy a good chat about the joys (and occasional meltdowns) of motherhood.
Online Oasis: The internet can be a powerful tool for connecting with other mums. Join online forums, social media groups dedicated to mums in your area, or parenting apps that allow you to connect with like-minded moms. Look for groups with specific interests, from breastfeeding support to cloth nappy enthusiasts – there’s a group out there for everyone!
Don’t Discount Your Village: Sometimes, the best mom friends are already in your life! Reconnect with old friends who have become mothers, reach out to neighbors with young children, or even chat with mums you meet at the doctor’s office. You might be surprised at the beautiful friendships that can blossom from unexpected places.
Be Open and Approachable: Smile, make eye contact, and strike up conversations with other mums. Let them know you’re open to connecting. You never know who might become a lifelong friend!
Focus on Shared Experiences: Whether you’re a seasoned pro or a new mom navigating the first few weeks, motherhood offers a wealth of shared experiences. Bond over the challenges of sleep deprivation, celebrate milestones together, or simply swap funny baby stories. These shared experiences can be the foundation of strong mum friendships.
Embrace the Imperfect: Don’t wait until your life feels “perfect” to reach out and connect with other mums. Real mum friendships are built on authenticity and shared experiences, not picture-perfect lives.
Remember, building friendships takes time and effort.
Don’t get discouraged if you don’t click with everyone you meet. Keep putting yourself out there, embrace the journey, and celebrate the amazing mum friends you find along the way.
Conclusion
Mom friends are the angels of motherhood in disguise.
They’re more than just coffee dates and playdates; they’re the village that raises your child alongside you. They’re the cheerleaders who celebrate your victories, the shoulders you cry on during the inevitable meltdowns, and the sounding boards who offer a listening ear and sage advice (solicited or not!).
These amazing women understand the unique challenges and triumphs of motherhood in a way that no one else can. They’ve been there, covered in spit-up and sleep deprivation, and they get it. Mom friends are a source of unwavering support, a reminder that you’re not alone on this wild, wonderful, and sometimes messy ride.
So, mama, take a deep breath and put yourself out there.
Embrace the world of mom friends, join a mommy group, strike up a conversation at the park, or reach out to a fellow mom online. Building a supportive network of mom friends will enrich your motherhood journey in ways you never imagined.
You’ll laugh louder, cry a little less, and feel empowered knowing you have a village cheering you on every step of the way. Remember, mom, you are strong, you are capable, and you are most definitely not alone.
Now, go out there and find your tribe of amazing mom friends – they’re waiting to connect with you!
Lauren Ratliff, LCSW, PMH-C, is the founder of Matrescence Therapy, a virtual private practice specializing in pregnancy, postpartum, and maternal mental health. As a mom of three young children, Lauren created Matrescence Therapy to provide the targeted support that new parents need during this challenging and transformational life stage.
The Alliance for Early Childhood’s Mindful Beginnings is an outdoor meet-up for new and expecting parents. We meet monthly on the third Wednesday of each month from 10-11:30am at different trails to walk together and connect with nature. Bring your baby (carriers encouraged) and join us for a walk led by Kassie Leachman, a certified doula and childbirth educator. This is a great opportunity to connect with other parents and share your experiences. Sign up for meet-up emails here.