Thinking about Giving the Gift of Technology? Some Factors to Think Over!

By Devorah Heitner, PhD

This time of year, when I speak at schools and consult with families, shiny new devices are on everyone’s mind. For many families, gift-giving comes pre-packaged with excitement, but also sometimes with anxiety, especially when something with a screen is under the gift-wrap: Will this iPad eat my toddler? 

It’s not an entirely unreasonable fear. Tablets are amazing tools (and toys) to be sure. But their mobility and size make it more challenging to keep track of the devices themselves as well as the ways your children are using them. The educational games and creative applications available are incredible, and our children are certainly eager to use these engrossing tools, but how will you balance this with family life and some unplugged time?

So, while a tablet computer, handheld device or gaming system may be a fabulous and much-utilized gift, it also necessitates a little more planning than a board game or a colorful sweater. When Mom, Dad, or Santa plans to bring your child a portable music device, a handheld gaming system, or a tablet computer, it is important to plan for its role in your child’s life and in the media ecology of the whole family. 

But with a little planning, every device that comes into your home can fit into your family’s values, without sucking everyone into their separate corners. Here are a few tips:

Plan before you buy: This is not the time to buy impulsively. Both parents should be on the same page. Generous grandparents and other well intentioned relatives should obtain a clear parental green light before presenting a child with a gift that will put the parents in the role of gatekeepers, app purchasers and tech support.

Ask yourself and your partner some questions: If your child is asking for a new gadget: what does she want it for? (Music? Web-surfing? Games? Apps? Art making? Programming? Because her friends have one? All of the above?) What family interests can this new device support and encourage? Are there other siblings who will want access to the new machine? How will you handle that?

Ask yourself if she's likely to lose it, break it, etc. Will you replace it if something happens to it? 

For younger children-- especially preschoolers or kindergarteners-- you may want to buy the device for the family, and make clear that the child can use it only at certain times. Plan in advance where the device will be stored and charged when it is not in use. Plan on routines so they don’t get into habits that will be hard to break.

On the Budget: Don’t enable any auto-purchases! Be sure to set up devices so that advanced first graders won't be able to buy things from app stores with your credit card.  If you plan to let an older child choose some apps or music, discuss the financial parameters: How much per week or month can she spend? Consider using a prepaid account.  If your child wants an account on social apps like YouTube or even Instagram, consider the 13+ age limits from these companies, and clarify that you need to make all app decisions together. Even YouTube kids should still be used with supervision for 0-6s, in my experience.

While some mobile devices can be set up to restrict content-- don’t over-rely on parental controls. These automated controls are blunt instruments and can also block some great content-- while failing to block everything you might imagine they would.  

Talking to your child-- and being with them when they are using their devices-- is still the best way to know what they are using their devices for. For very young kids, locking a device off the Internet completely is a good solution if you can’t be right there. A six-year-old can have a great experience playing games, solving puzzles, reading ebooks and more—without needing to go online. Also—once your child uses earbuds, it is super-important to set up volume control for music and sound effects.  

All together now: Emphasizing fun activities that you can enjoy with your children is a proven technique for keeping the lines of dialogue open and for supporting their learning.  Try some apps you can enjoy together. 

And don’t forget to share some of your own favorite music with your child while she's still young enough to think you are very cool! Listening parties are a big part of weekends at our house. While we may start listening on our devices, we also love to break out guitars, ukuleles and drums and do some old-school jamming!

Before the box gets opened:  While it may interfere with the “surprise factor,” I suggest having a meeting with your child before she gets her new gift: Are there times when it will be off-limits?  What apps will be OKed? What will be the consequences for misuse?  You may want to keep it in your own room overnight so it doesn't interfere with sleep. You are setting up habits now that will be relevant when your child gets her first mobile phone.

Include yourself in the plan: Giving your child a new device can also be a great occasion to examine your own relationship to the digital tools and toys already in your home.  Modeling a balanced use of your own devices could be the most important message you can send your child about the role of technology in your family.

Devorah Heitner, PhD is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive and Survive in Their Digital World and Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World. You can follow her on Instagram here and join her newsletter list for digital parenting tips here.